what the fuck am i doing? why the fuck am i getting up a six tomorrow and getting home at 12:30 tomorrow when i coud have just, and gotten more aknowledgement and school colours? why the fuck am i still in s.cru, when its evident that i'm not actually needed, that i don't actually do any real work, and that i hate it soo fucking much? - unlike props, or say, table carriers.

nothing against the people that got colours or the sm, but serious, what the fuck, i applied for sm with twice the experience, plus lighting and sound skills and a heck of a lot less on my plate, but didn't get sm because a certain teacher who play favorites dislikes me. same reason for not getting colours. i've been in s.cru longer. i do more stuff (high and low profile). it pisses me off soo much, that i can't sleep, its 2am, i need to be at the town hall in approximately five hours, pretty sure nobody who got colours will bother to show up for such a low profile gig.

and then, my best option for getting home, is catching the train to seddon station and then getting a taxi to me flat. - no fucking way am i going through footsccray station and central footscray, cos straight up, its not safe: period. this bullshit is actually going to end up costing me money in the way of a taxi fare.

considering not going, but then i said i would, and if i don't it'll just seem petty, and i'll appear the imature one, and in their little minds the school community and a certain teacher will be able to furthur convince themselves that refusing kham colours (considering involvement in a single production was criterion enough for recieving colours) was completly just and dignified.